you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
