You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
