bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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