weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
