so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs