Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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