im having a threesome with these popsicles
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
