That's intense
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
