I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize