Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Screwed.edu
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
