Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
