It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize