U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
