i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
