i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
