No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
