Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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