I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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