How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
