My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
