Can Purell be used as lube?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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