Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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