She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
