My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
