I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
