Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
