It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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