1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
