Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
