So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
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You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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