you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize