oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
