I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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