WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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