Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
