Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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