I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
