I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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