he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
