I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
