ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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