I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
