something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
