I'm so fucking centered right now
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
