the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
