I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
