i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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