It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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