Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
