did you get engaged???
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
