the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
