I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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