Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
