Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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